Friday, December 27, 2013

Too Tired to be Important

This morning I can't help over-analyzing my productivity, Perhaps its the new year that's approaching, but I'm frustrating myself with an endless inquisition.

Is my life where I want it to be right now? I don't think it is, but how the heck do I get it the way I want it.

I was telling my husband last night how I've been feeling obsessed to make something that matters...I wanna make some art or do something important that people are going to care about. 

The problem currently is that no one gives a flying flip what I'm doing or not doing. 

I'm a sucker for attention, and I'll admit I've done crazy things in the past just to get some admiration. Without positive attention I wither. I shrivel away under any type of criticism, and its something I need to get over since I've been told the vast majority of people in the world are jerks not as sensitive as I am. 

Maybe if I start writing again I can get my life sorted out a little better. My thoughts have been so supremely scattered and vague that I feel like I'm dealing with Alzheimer's at age 23. It's nothing to laugh about, since my great-grandmother on my dad's side died from it and my great-grandmother on my mom's side is currently struggling with it.

Oh well. Hopefully I can start doing something important soon. In the meantime, I'm just too freakin' tired all time.

(that was slightly sarcastic, but I truly do have an issue with constant fatigue, no matter how much I sleep. It's quite a disabling problem, indeed.)